


Cloning blues

by Dissenter



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Being cloned is the Best thing Ever to happen to Kaito, Chaos, Clones, Crack, Hakuba can't deal with this, Hakuba is long suffering, Hattori thinks violence is the answer, It depends how well you're taking the whole thing really, Kill your double, Mad Science, Or not, Shinichi's secret identity is blown, Two Kaitos are better than one, lab accident
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 07:29:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12954330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dissenter/pseuds/Dissenter
Summary: Being cloned was the best thing ever to happen to Kaito, it was the worst thing ever to happen to Hattori, the two Conans won’t stop bickering over which of them gets to be Shinichi, and neither Hakuba feels equipped to deal with this mess.





	Cloning blues

**Author's Note:**

> There is an accident at a Kid heist that Kaito was for some reason holding in a mad scientist's lab. Now Kaito, Hakuba, Shinichi, and Heiji have all been cloned.   
> Welcome to Hakuba's worst nightmare.

Today, had not been a good day. Saguru looked at the figure standing next to him and saw a matching look of utter despair on the other’s face.

“What did we do to deserve this?” He asked, rhetorically. The other sighed.

“I don’t know, but it must have been utterly awful.” The two of them sat backs against the wall and watched in numb horror as chaos broke out.

The two Hattoris seemed to have decided the problem of their dual existence could only be solved in the traditional way, by a death match and were both attacking each other violently with wooden swords. They were, for obvious reasons a fairly even match, so it didn’t seem likely that the issue would be resolved particularly quickly. A lot of the surrounding machinery was being destroyed in the process. Saguru just hoped that a kendo duel in the middle of a mad scientist’s lab wouldn’t set off any _more_ unwanted lab accidents. Damn Kid anyway. What kind of insane moron holds a heist in the middle of a mad scientist’s lair. He didn’t believe for a _moment_ that Kid hadn’t known _exactly_ what he was getting them all into.

Conan kun/Kudo, (and hadn’t that explained a lot, when Conan kun’s clone had turned out to be a full size copy of the supposedly missing Kudo Shinichi), seemed to be engaged in a furious debate over whether it was a valid idea for the clone to take over Kudo’s life, and the original to just carry on living as Conan. The Clone said yes, the Original said no. The Clone said that since they weren’t exactly nearing a cure it just made sense for him to be Kudo, and that this way they didn’t have to make the kids miserable by disappearing Conan. The Original said that there was no way he was letting an imposter steal his life and anyway they had no idea how long the Clone would even last. The argument was getting heated. Saguru privately thought that they should complain less, at least they had a way to tell which of them was the clone, and which the original. Judging by the other him’s expression, he was thinking the exact same thing. It was so nice not to be the only sane person in the room.

And then there was Kid. The one responsible for this whole mess. They were looking at themselves and _smiling,_ gleefully.

“There’s two of us.” One of them said with a manic grin.

“I know. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” The other responded.

“Oh yes.” Another smile. Saguru was feeling a deep sense of existential dread. He knew those smiles, nothing good _ever_ came from those smiles. They continued talking. Saguru wondered if his other self would agree to a suicide pact.

“The only question is, where can we find that much glitter glue at this time of night?”

“I’m sure Jiichan knows a guy.”

“I like the way you think Kid.”

“Why thank you Kid.” The two turned their terrifying grins on the bickering detectives.

“Oi shouldn’t you be trying to figure out that device so that we can fix this.” One of the Hattoris grumbled.

“Fix it?” One of the Kids asked.

“Why would we want to fix it?” The other continued.

“This is the _best_ thing _ever_ to happen to us.” They said in chorus. Saguru had a feeling the “nobody gets hurt” policy would mean they’d stop him if he tried to jump out of the window. There was a brief silence. The Hattoris froze and the Conan/Kudos had finally stopped bickering as the awful reality of the situation sank in. Saguru and his other self just sat and wallowed in existential despair. Kid had cloned himself, there were now two Kids. The world was not ready. The world would never be ready. _Saguru_ was _definitely_ not ready.

Apparently this was happening anyway.

…

Saguru woke up the next morning, and delayed opening his eyes. Maybe it was all just an awful dream. Maybe the cloning incident never actally happened. He managed a solid five minutes of denial before he opened his eyes to see a face identical to his own looking at him from across the pillow.

“That really happened then?” The other said. Saguru sighed.

“Yes, it would appear so.”

“What do we do now then?” The other wondered.

“Well school starts soon. At least one of us will have to go.”

“Flip a coin?”

“Yeah alright.” Saguru lost. And thus he found himself walking into a classroom where two Kurobas were waiting for him. Saguru was pretty sure he’d had a nightmare like this once.

Aoko was shouting at the Kurobas when he came in.

“Bakaito. Tell Aoko which of you is the real Kaito now, or there will be _consequences.”_

“I told you. We’re both Kaito. There was an accident with a science experiment, and we accidentally cloned ourselves. Isn’t it amazing?” The rest of the class didn’t seem to agree. But then, they also didn’t seem to belive Kuroba about the cloning, which, true enough cloning wasn’t especially believable. It would make far more sense for this to just be yet another of Kuroba’s tricks.

Unfortunately he was telling the truth. A trick would have been infinitely preferable. Certainly it wasn’t Saguru’s problem if nobody believed Kuroba. They’d learn.

Honestly he probably could have used this to try and out Kuroba as Kid, but then again he was sure Kuroba had a whole _set_ of plausible sounding excuses to cover the coincidence. Besides, it would have most likely meant having to out his own clone, and he was reluctant to give up the advantage of having a secret double that almost no-one knew about. The other witnesses certainly wouldn’t talk about it, both Hattoris had looked set on killing each other last he’d seen, and Kudo/Conan couldn’t admit what happened without outing himself. Which meant, that Saguru now had two people to deal with one person’s paperwork, schoolwork, and other irritating commitments. If Kuroba got to take advantage of being duplicated he was damn well going to do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who wants to write anything in this universe go right ahead. I feel like the idea has promise, but I haven't had any further inspiration for it.


End file.
